DODGED A BULLET ON THIS ONE

Background – I was never really that big a partier even back in the day.  The reason for this was not big moral issues.  The primary reason was that I didn’t have much money.  Especially during the 80’s.  Since I was in college and started my work career at the time of  “Bright Lights Big City” (not to be confused with the porno movie “Bright Lights Big Titties“)  and all that folklore, a lot of people assume I was heavy in to cocaine.   My crowd didn’t participate because that was expensive. 

I am not the only one who has expressed this view.  I remember (but can’t find the source) when the actress Patricia Heaton who was on the TV show “Everybody Loves Raymond” was asked in a magazine interview about living and working in New York in the early 80’s.  She replied  that she didn’t get in to the heavy cocaine scene because she was too busy working to pay the rent and couldn’t afford it.  Same here.  

I did walk near the edge of getting involved in an even worse problem.  One night in the mid 80’s I remember being at a friend’s apartment and all of us being very “dazed and confused” (weed).  When someone brought up crack houses which we were just hearing the first stories about. 

We all agreed this sounded very cool.  New version of cocaine (affordable)  and you went and smoked it at a house (social).  This whole idea intrigued us. 

Luckily it didn’t intrigue us enough to try it.  Especially since we didn’t know where any of  “these Crack Houses” existed.

The real word on Crack came down not long after that.

Dodged a bullet.

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

Prison Poetry

March 12, 2010

“IMAGES”

by

Tyrone Green

 

Dark and lonely on the summer night.

Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.

Watchdog barking – Do he bite?

Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.

Slip in his window, Break his neck!

Then his house I start to wreck!

Got no reason…What the heck!

Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.

C-I-L-L …   

My land – lord

 

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

Homewrecker Elayne Boosler

I am not planning on getting a divorce but if I ever do, one reason for my wife filing  could be that I REFUSE to ever order for her in a restaurant.

That is comedian Elayne Boosler’s fault.

If you are the target demographic for this blog you know very well who Elayne Boosler is.

She had a joke as part of her routine probably back in the early to mid 80’s where she mocked men who ordered for their dates.  The best description of which I found in a review by Lynn Harris of the book -Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-Up in the 1970’s Changed America written by Richard Zoglin.

….about waitressing in restaurants where men order “for the lady.” Boosler: “It made it seem like there could be only one lady. ‘The lady will have coffee.’ ‘OK, the slut’ll go get it.’ “

Because of that joke I can not bring myself to order for my wife and have often refused to do so when asked.

Even ordering a shared appetizer for the two of us makes me feel a little queasy. 

Tip to Elayne – If my wife DOES name you in our divorce you can buy her off by finding homes for all the dogs she rescues through your Tails of Joy rescue organization (click here to visit the site)

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

Jeb Bush has not resigned from the Florida Republican party.

But my Mother did and she was a dues paying member.

All I will divulge here is that it was unhappiness with the direction and organization of the state organization.  She had given up on having any influence in the national party YEARS AGO.

This is someone who has been a lifelong supporter of Republican politics and is a true loss for this group.  I am sure they didn’t notice or care, which is truly a shame.

My mother has been active in Republican politics since the late 50’s early 60’s.  Her political activism started in Houston, Texas back when  “Republican” was still a dirty word in Texas.  She was a Block Captain, worked on the first congressional campaign of George Herbert Walker Bush (aka Old Man Bush) even dancing with him once at a party function.  At the time I was born, my parents received congratulatory letters from both future president Bush and one of his staffers someone named James Baker.

She was a Goldwater Republican.  Kept up appearances by publically supporting Richard Nixon through the Watergate scandal – “he wasn’t doing anything different than anybody else, he just got caught” was the party line in our house. 

The funniest incident involving her political activism was during the 1976 campaign of Gerald Ford. When our house was being inundated by mailings on a daily basis from both the Republican Party  and the Ford campaign.  We received a phone call that began with the caller saying “this is Betty Ford” my mother’s response was “really?”  Well the call was from Betty Ford but it was from the Betty Ford who lived in our neighborhood and wanted me to mow her yard, not THE Betty FordI think she is disappointed to this day.

Her glory days were the Reagan years – she was in heaven!  Not a bad word could be said about Nancy or Ronnie.  She absolutely worshipped them.  My parents even hosted viewing parties for his initial Televison addresses.

Of course there was support of the senior George Bush during his campaigns and presidencies.  She attended the state conventions in the late 90’s and 2000 even acting as a state delegate for Lamar Alexander.

The Clinton years were a blackhole to my parents.

I noticed some weakening of support during the “W” years but no visible crack until the primary season for the 2008 election.

I don’t know if she ever publically admitted it, but among family she voiced support for the antichrist of the Republican party.

HILLARY CLINTON!!! 

At that point the handwriting was on the wall.

My Father declined comment for this post.

(note – despite being raised in this environment and living in conservative GA I do not identify myself as Republican)

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

80's Style Wicker Cabinet - Caution Flammable

 

I always loved those song lyrics.  They are from “Inside Out” by Eve 6 (video below).

The song is no great masterpiece but the lyric wicker cabinet always reminds me of the first apartments my wife and I had together in the early 80’s.  Wicker was both the stylish and affordable choice in home decor and World Bazaar was where you got it.   

Hey, it’s not like we were freakin rich and could buy things from Pier One.

We had one neighbor whose apartment opened out on to the parking lot and they left their drapes open all the time so we could see in to their apartment when we were coming and going.  

We nicknamed them “Wicker/Rattan”.  At the time we pretended to each other that the nickname was out of derision for the lavish use of wicker in their Home Decor.  Looking back now I realize we were just downright jealous.

I partied with them a few times and did learn their real names.  The last time I saw either of them was about a year after we moved out of that complex and when I ran in to him he had lost like 30 pounds, looked like a definite coke freak and ready for rehab.

I guess a beautiful apartment with Wicker Home Decor just wasn’t enough.

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc

cs

Anyone reading this blog should know who Mrs. Robinson is from the movie  The Graduate.  I refuse to even give an IMDB link.  If you don’t know, do your own google search or “go rent it”.

In 1980 and 1981 I worked as a delivery driver for a local Pizza parlor in the Town & Country area of Tampa, FL.   It was fun work, decent pay and lots of fun experiences.   There was the private investigator whose house looked like something out of my Big Fat Greek Wedding,  ordered MULTIPLE pizzas and was a good tipper,  there was  the singles party scene at the The Racquet Club Apartments Clubhouse, our two most infamous customers however were older single women, both apparently widows.

Widow #1 had what we would today recognize as OCD and a hoarder.  She had a simple home stacked to the ceiling with magazines and newspapers.  Her weekly order which usually came in late Saturday night consisted of something along the lines of a small pizza, lasagna or spaghetti dish.  No big deal.  BUT it was her add on’s that were unique.  We were located next door to a Circle K and we did her weekly grocery shopping.  The normal list included  Bag of Dog Chow, Cat Food (Cozy Kitten), Two Lighters, Four Bic Pens, Notebook Filler Paper, Elmer’s Glue, etc… None of us knew exactly why she ordered these things or why she needed so many of them each week. We delivered them and she paid us a fair but not overly generous tip.  It was a good deed for a crazy little old lady who probably just needed some Prozac.

Then there was the one I still call Mrs. Robinson.  She lived in one of the better areas of our delivery zone and was the widow of an Air Force Colonel and at the time I thought she was REAL old.  Looking back she was probably a rough mid 50’s.  Large home (at least by 1980 standards) on the waterfront, boat dock with boat on davits (never used), Screened pool.  No carpet all terrazo floors. Pretty cool digs.  Drove a Lincoln Mark IV.  

 She usually answered the door with a cigarette and/or cocktail in hand.  Her cigarettes were the long brown one’s called “More”, her cocktails were always “on the rocks”.  Whether her cocktails were scotch, bourbon or whiskey I never knew, just that they were brown.  She had Marilyn Monroe styled messy Platinum Blonde Hair and was usually wearing one of a coterie of Bikinis including a leopard one and most famously the silver lame’ one mentioned in the title of this post.  Not that she had the body for it but she was proud of what she did have.  Her skin was the texture and color of shoe leather which was so popular in Florida back then. 

 The entire effect was very Cocktail Nation, Aged “Rat Pack”.  She could have been one of Frank Sinatra’s “BABES” back in the day.  Just imagine  an aged Angie Dickinson lying around the house with “The look of Love” playing on the stereo and you have a complete picture.  

She was a GENEROUS  tipper.

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc

This Post is dedicated to Uno Pizza where I proposed to my Wife and Denny Nickerson who kept it open as long as he could.

cs

 

 

THIS IS NOT A JOKE.  I AM DEADLY SERIOUS.

If I knew then what I know now I would have gotten a Copyright on this term.

When we thought it up, we thought it would be an inside joke to replace “creeker” about low class people.  Now, 30 years later it is not uncommon to hear this term bandied about.

I did a lot of research for this post.  I typed in “Origin Low Rent” in google and checked the first result.

According to Wordnik.com  the American Heritage Dictionary gives three definitions  –

  1. adjective Informal Having inexpensive rent: a low-rent apartment.
  2. adjective Informal Of low social status or moral character: “Steve Buscemi … may play low-rent, amoral types—hit men, weasels, snivelers—but … he’s more complicated than that” (Richard Leiby).
  3. adjective Informal Lacking taste or refinement: a low-rent television drama.

Interestingly there is no etymology or origin listed.  BECAUSE MY WIFE AND I INVENTED IT!!!  At least the usage under definitions 2 and 3.  I am not trying to say I invented the concept of inexpensive rent when somone is talking about their monthly rental expense.

I remember it like it was 10 years ago.  We were living in our first apartment.  We had friends over for a Dazed and Confused type of evening and had been watching the Sunday Night Movie of The Week – Airport ’77.  The one with Lee Grant, Jack Lemon and Brenda Vaccaro where they have to escape from the plane that has crashed underwater.

This being 1980 there was no cable tv in the city of Tampa yet.  There was cable outside the city limits where our parents lived which got you TBS from Atlanta, WGN from Chicago and if you paid extra, HBO.  This meant we had rabbit ears and that Sunday night late night TV was BAAAD.

We somehow ended up watching what I later came to realize was PTL Club.  Now remember we were Dazed and Confused and this was the first time I had ever seen Tammy Faye Bakker.  We made so much fun of her.  Her hair, her accent, her clothes and of course the makeup.  We decided the term to best describe her was “LOW RENT” (see definition #3).   We must have said it at least 300 times that night – we were so witty.

Over the years we used definitions 2 and 3 interchangably as appropriate.  Our friends and family adopted the saying but it was a few years ago that we saw it start creeping in to pop culture references.  The most recent occurence was by comedian Josh Wolf on one of his appearances on the Chelsea Lately roundtable on E!.  Oh, he was spouting it off like it was something he invented.

I want my Royalties.

Or at least an acknowledgement on the etymologies section of wordnik.com

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc

cs

UPDATE:  I HAVE BEEN ADVISED BY TWITTER USER @MORROWLAND OF THE FOLLOWING – “Bette Midler was usin’ “low-rent” in her nightclub/concert shows in the 70’s. and then every gay in NYC used it too.”  So I guess the title of this blog should be “I Subconciously Stole The Term “Low Rent” from Bette Midler in 1980″.   So I have put strikethroughs in key spots and posted this update.  Thank you to Loni Love for retweeting this blog so I could be set straight. – 1/4/09