It’s very strange that I had no problem buying liquor or illegal drugs when I was underage but I was too embarrased to buy condoms in a drug store.

In the group of friends I hung out with, fear of pregnancy was very high.  I think we would have had less of a problem calling our parents to bail us out of jail on a minor drug offense than to come home and tell them you had gotten someone pregnant or were pregnant (my female friends, not me).

My solution to this dilemma was to buy condoms from a vending machine in the bathroom of a gas station that was at the end of the airport runway.

I finally got over this fear of buying condoms publically when I was about 18 and moved in with my now wife and she had no problem sending me to the store to buy her “feminine hygiene” products.  Once I tackled that fear, condoms were no problem.

The fear of pregnancy followed my wife and I through our 20’s and 30’s.  We were never ready to have kids, didn’t have enough money to have kids, we should have done that last year, all the usual reasons.  We then realized one day we were too old to have kids.  Probably not biologically but definitely psychologically.  We were selfish and self-centered. 

Children can’t be let out in the yard to play until you get up at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday because you were out at a club until last call the night before.  Dogs can. Cats don’t even need to be let out, you can ignore them.

 We never talked about our lack of desire to have children with family very much which led to the following encounter between my wife and her father when we were in our late 30’s -

My father in law had some sort of surgery and my wife had gone to Florida to be his “nurse” during this time.  As he woke up from the anesthesia, she was standing there and he asked her “Have you had Charlie tested?”  her response was “for what?”.  He then said “well you’ve never had kids”.  Her final response -

“I guess it might help if we stopped using birth control”.

End of discussion.

As always –    

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc    

cs

EARACHE MY EYE

Performed by Alice Bowie

My momma talkin’ to me tryin’ to tell me how to live
But I don’t listen to her ’cause my head is like a sieve
My daddy, he disowned me ’cause I wear my sister’s clothes
He caught me in the bathroom with a pair of pantyhose

My basketball coach, he done kicked me off the team
For wearin’ high-heel sneakers and actin’ like a queen

—— lead guitar ——

The world’s comin’ to an end, I don’t even care
As long as I can have a limo and my orange hair
And it don’t bother me if people think I’m “funny”
‘Cause I’m a big rock star and I’m makin’ lots of money
money, money, money, money, money, money
Ahhh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

I’m so bloody rich! Ha ha ha ha
I own apartment buildings and shopping centers! Ha ha ha ha
And I only know three chords! Ha ha ha ha

If you don’t understand this and need an explanation check out the official Wikipedia entry for Earache My Eye (Click Here)

As always –    

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc    

cs

Tom Laughlin as The Legendary Billy Jack

 One of my favorite movies when I was 10 or 11 years old was the classic “Billy Jack”.    

Apparently my parents did not pay close attention to what the content of the movies they dropped me off at the local 4-plex to see included.     

Billy Jack was about a “half-breed” American Cherokee Indian, Green Beret Vietnam War veteran, hapkido master who defended the hippie-themed Freedom School and its students from the racist and ignorant townspeople who did not understand or like the school or it’s students.   

Though originally released in 1971 I am pretty sure I did not see it until it’s wide and highly profitable re-release in 1973.    

It’s Marketing Taglines –    

Just a person who protects children and other living things.    


You’ve got due process, Mother’s Day, supermarkets, the FBI, Medicare, air conditioning, AT&T, country clubs, Congress, a 2-car garage, state troopers, the Constitution, color television and democracy. They’ve got BILLY JACK     


 When you need him, he’s always there!   

Some Highlights –   

The local rich boy jerk Bernard – dumps flour on some students denied in their attempt to buy ice cream because they are indian in order to make them “WHITE”.  Billy Jack finds out and goes BERSERK –   

  

There is the scene where the aforementioned Bernard is forcing a very well endowed female student with the nickname “Miss False Eyelashes” in to having sex with him and cuts her bra off and you see her large breasts DROP as the bra is cut away.  Trust me very cool when you are a 10 or 11-year-old boy.   

Billy Jack forcing Bernard to drive his Corvette in to the water on the count of three and then saying  ”1…2….FLOOR IT”.  Very cool when you are a 10 or 11-year-old boy.  Also worth watching to see how inflation has affected the price of Corvettes.   

  

Billy Jack kicking Bernard in the testicles when he confronts him prior to killing him in an act of revenge for raping the head of the school. Very cool when you are a 10 or 11-year-old boy.   

In general it was a very good movie for one that claimed to be about non-violence and acceptance.   

Here is the original trailer which will give you a nice overview.  Watch for a  young Howard Hesseman.  At that time a member of “The Committee” Improv group out of San Fancisco but more popularly known a few years later as Dr. Johnny Fever on WKRP in Cincinnati.  

  

And of course there was THAT SONG –  

  

I wonder if this movie could be considered to have a liberal agenda?

As always –    

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc    

cs

Homewrecker Elayne Boosler

I am not planning on getting a divorce but if I ever do, one reason for my wife filing  could be that I REFUSE to ever order for her in a restaurant.

That is comedian Elayne Boosler’s fault.

If you are the target demographic for this blog you know very well who Elayne Boosler is.

She had a joke as part of her routine probably back in the early to mid 80’s where she mocked men who ordered for their dates.  The best description of which I found in a review by Lynn Harris of the book -Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-Up in the 1970’s Changed America written by Richard Zoglin.

….about waitressing in restaurants where men order “for the lady.” Boosler: “It made it seem like there could be only one lady. ‘The lady will have coffee.’ ‘OK, the slut’ll go get it.’ “

Because of that joke I can not bring myself to order for my wife and have often refused to do so when asked.

Even ordering a shared appetizer for the two of us makes me feel a little queasy. 

Tip to Elayne – If my wife DOES name you in our divorce you can buy her off by finding homes for all the dogs she rescues through your Tails of Joy rescue organization (click here to visit the site)

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

 

UPDATE – 10:15 P.M. EST 2/26/10.  It Appears the story was not true!!! Per This Vanity Fair Online Post by Juli Weiner (CLICK HERE TO VIEW)

The Famous Nipple Picture

I am in shock.

There has been speculation for almost 40 years about who was the subject of Carly Simon’s classic “You’re so Vain”. 

 The answer is David Geffen?

Not Mick Jagger, not James Taylor, not David Bowie, not Kris Kristofferson, not Cat Stevens or the most heavily rumored Warren Beatty.

David Geffen?

Dick Ebersol paid $50,000 a few years ago to find this outIf I were him I’d be pissed.

David Geffen?

One story is that she finally announced it to raise her visibility prior to a new album being released.

David Geffen?

David Geffen - Circa 1970's

“All the girls dreamed that they’d be your partner”

David Geffen?

Remember the fake rumors a few years ago about David Geffen being in a relationship with Keanu Reeves and taking him shopping for “outfits”?

David Geffen?

Carly Simon should have taken this to her grave.

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

Only in my family would the words Hookers & Vacation be combined into something you reminisce about.

In 1976 we took a family vacation by car and one of the stops was Washington D.C..  After a full day of sightseeing in both D.C. and Virginia we checked in to our hotel and my mother always being prepared, got out the AAA Guide Book for the city to find a place for dinner.  We of course also had a AAA triptik prepared for the trip and a full complement of paper maps – which my father could fold correctly.

A restaurant was found that seemed nice enough but not too fancy given I was 14 and not into fine dining.  If I remember correctly it was called the Steak Joint and turned out to be one of those stand in line, place your order then wait for them to call your number type steak places SOOO popular in the 70’s.

We didn’t take any of our multitude of maps along because my father had been in the military in the early 50’s and stationed for a short time in D.C. so he assured us he knew the area and where we needed to go.

It didn’t take long after we left our hotel in the Capitol Hill area that we were in a less than desireable area of D.C. which back in the 70’s meant one block off any major thoroughfare dominated by government buildings. 

We came to the intersection where the restaurant was located and realized we had passed the pay parking lot that was most convenient to the restaurant.  We of course circled the block in our metallic blue 1973 Pontiac Grand Prix with a white vinyl top.  It turns out going down one of the streets previously, we had passed a group of streetwalkers (hookers) hanging out.  I don’t know if we noticed them but they must have been watching us and when the car came around the block again, this time much slower so we didn’t miss our turn, they started running after us. 

 They thought we were “Cruising Them” and they had work!

They were beating on the car and running up to the windows – imagine their surprise when they finally looked in and saw the Ultimate White Bread Suburban Family looking back at them. 

They ran off laughing.

AWW – Family Memories.

No wonder Huggy Bear didn’t scare me a year later.

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

Jeb Bush has not resigned from the Florida Republican party.

But my Mother did and she was a dues paying member.

All I will divulge here is that it was unhappiness with the direction and organization of the state organization.  She had given up on having any influence in the national party YEARS AGO.

This is someone who has been a lifelong supporter of Republican politics and is a true loss for this group.  I am sure they didn’t notice or care, which is truly a shame.

My mother has been active in Republican politics since the late 50’s early 60’s.  Her political activism started in Houston, Texas back when  “Republican” was still a dirty word in Texas.  She was a Block Captain, worked on the first congressional campaign of George Herbert Walker Bush (aka Old Man Bush) even dancing with him once at a party function.  At the time I was born, my parents received congratulatory letters from both future president Bush and one of his staffers someone named James Baker.

She was a Goldwater Republican.  Kept up appearances by publically supporting Richard Nixon through the Watergate scandal – “he wasn’t doing anything different than anybody else, he just got caught” was the party line in our house. 

The funniest incident involving her political activism was during the 1976 campaign of Gerald Ford. When our house was being inundated by mailings on a daily basis from both the Republican Party  and the Ford campaign.  We received a phone call that began with the caller saying “this is Betty Ford” my mother’s response was “really?”  Well the call was from Betty Ford but it was from the Betty Ford who lived in our neighborhood and wanted me to mow her yard, not THE Betty FordI think she is disappointed to this day.

Her glory days were the Reagan years – she was in heaven!  Not a bad word could be said about Nancy or Ronnie.  She absolutely worshipped them.  My parents even hosted viewing parties for his initial Televison addresses.

Of course there was support of the senior George Bush during his campaigns and presidencies.  She attended the state conventions in the late 90’s and 2000 even acting as a state delegate for Lamar Alexander.

The Clinton years were a blackhole to my parents.

I noticed some weakening of support during the “W” years but no visible crack until the primary season for the 2008 election.

I don’t know if she ever publically admitted it, but among family she voiced support for the antichrist of the Republican party.

HILLARY CLINTON!!! 

At that point the handwriting was on the wall.

My Father declined comment for this post.

(note – despite being raised in this environment and living in conservative GA I do not identify myself as Republican)

As always – 

You can follow me on Facebook at “I am Dazed and Confused” or Twitter – www.twitter.com/iamdandc 

cs

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